03 Feb Commitment Issues
In my last blog post we explored the process of identifying what you value, choosing one or two core values and how these core values become the guidepost for your commitments. Your commitments are what you give your time, energy and focus to in order to manifest what it is you desire, in alignment with your values. This recipe results in living a life that is fulfilling and purposeful.
The Oxford Dictionary defines commitment as:
- The state or quality of being dedicated to a cause, activity, etc…
- An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.
Being dedicated to something feels good. It’s synonymous with devotion – meaning: Love, loyalty and enthusiasm. We see this exemplified in romantic relationships. That feeling you get when you meet someone new and you start falling in love. You want to focus your energy and time on that person and everything else falls away. It’s easy to want to commit when you are in that state of being. As a Coach, I do not advise making any long-term commitments in that state. The feeling is a little too intoxicating for true clarity to exist. The commitment will be tested later, when the butterflies have settled down and your responsibilities catch up with you.
Say that the relationship moves forward and a commitment is made, either through marriage, starting a family, or joining assets. You will inevitably face the second part of the definition: an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action. Doesn’t feel as good as the first part does it? Does marriage align with your core values? Having children? Really think about that. If you’re already married, or a parent, what context can you hold around your spouse and/or children that aligns with the values you have identified?
I personally identified freedom as a core value so the second part of the definition makes me cringe. I don’t know many people who would enthusiastically volunteer to have their freedom of action restricted. This is why it is crucial to identify your values and make your commitments in alignment with them, in all areas of your life. The partner you choose, the career you pursue, the people or organizations you engage with, etc… It is much easier to maintain love, loyalty and enthusiasm when you commit to something that aligns with who you really are and what you really want. When you commit to something based on external influence, it often leads to resentment, discontentment and you’ll probably quit and be left to deal with those consequences, as will anyone else involved.
Veronica Weston
Personal Development Coach