22 Jan Acceptance Needed
Take a moment to reflect on your intentions and wishes. Those experiences you’ve been trying
to manifest in your life. Getting that promotion. Finding your significant other. Booking that trip.
Would you be closer to your goal if you were more accepting? If you accepted yourself
completely? If you accepted others? If you could expand your capacity to receive by accepting
anything and everything that may come? I believe so.
Self-Acceptance is the foundation your life is built on. Every area of your life will be affected by
your degree of self-acceptance. Why? Because you are the common element. You are with
yourself every minute of every day and you are creating your experience. Therefore, if there’s
something you wish to achieve, or you want to manifest more powerfully, you need to start by
increasing your level of self-acceptance.
What is important to understand is that self-acceptance is not an item you can check off a to-do
list. Similar to happiness, self-acceptance is a feeling you get from time to time. Self-Acceptance
is always in motion, fluid, ebbing and flowing. This means you need to practise mindfulness to
be aware of its condition. There are no boundaries or limitations to self-acceptance which
makes it a life-long endeavour. This might sound like bad news to some, yet another thing you
need to worry about for the rest of your life, however, if you can accept it and embrace it, you
may actually enjoy the process because the results will be worth it!
In psychology, there’s a pyramid chart called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. On the base there’s
Physiological Needs, above that is Safety, then Love and Belonging, followed by Esteem and at
the top, in the narrow point, is Self-Actualization. This is a road map to our evolution as humans
during our time on Earth. It demands a mastery of each level before we can move onto the next.
This means there will be challenges and setbacks along the way, moving your way up and down
the pyramid as often as needed for your personal development.
Maslow’s hierarchy of needs
Let’s start with the lower two levels of Maslow’s Chart. Physiological Needs: Air, water, food,
shelter, sleep, and reproduction. Safety Needs: Personal Security, employment, resources,
health and property. Even though these are our most basic needs, they are not always a given.
Having achieved higher levels of success in the past is no guarantee that life won’t throw you a
curveball and you won’t find yourself worried about where your next meal will come from. When
your physiological and safety needs aren’t being met, it can be easy to fall into the low
vibrational energies of shame, resentment, depression and fear, to name a few. This creates a
downward spiral that can be nearly impossible to climb out of, without acceptance. For example,
accepting who you are and the circumstance you find yourself in, may allow you to ask for
assistance and be supportable in a way you can’t if you are hiding out in a shame spiral. The
more these needs are satisfied, the more capacity you have for the next levels.
Love and Belonging: Friendship, intimacy, family and a sense of connection. This is where your
self-acceptance is truly developed and expanded. Through your relationships with others, you
will learn about yourself, including the parts of you that need healing. Your closest relationships
are a mirror that will expose your shadow self. Self-Acceptance means accepting all of yourself,
all that you perceive as good and anything you perceive as bad. The only way to
Self-Acceptance is through your shadow. You will also face the shadows of others. Doing your
own shadow work will allow you to tap into compassion for others, understanding they are also
on a personal journey. The more you are willing to do this work, the closer you will get to
mastering Love and Belonging and be on your way to Esteem: Respect, self-esteem, status,
recognition, strength and freedom.
With the previous levels of needs satisfied, it is easier to access the feelings of Esteem. There is
evidence of your success, you have the respect of others, status and recognition. The mirrors
are reflecting back positive attributes and life is great. Celebrate and acknowledge how far you
have come! Be grateful but also, be careful. Your self-acceptance must come from within, not
from the validation of others. Your strength and freedom cannot be dependent on the approval
or opinion of others, regardless of how much they mean to you. For example: Family members.
Because we hold an expectation that family is where we are meant to first experience love and
belonging, and how important that sense of connection is to us, we grow up doing what we can
to receive and maintain their approval. When approval is not given, we defer to keeping their
attention at the very least. Think back to a time when you had to make a decision for yourself,
and a family member didn’t approve. Did you hesitate? Did you reconsider? Did you sell
yourself out in order to avoid the consequences of disappointing them? It happens to the best of
us. Remember, we are wired for connection so it’s unnatural for us to do anything that would risk
severing it. However, if we practise acceptance and non attachment, we can find our inner
strength and become truly free.
Finally, Self-Actualization: Desire to become the most one can be. The freedom to become who
you truly are. You will feel this pull many times throughout the process. You have felt it because
this is your soul’s purpose on Earth. Like happiness and self-acceptance, self-actualization can
be a fleeting feeling. It’s a moment, when all your other needs are satisfied and you have the
capacity to consider what this means for you. To expand your ability to stay in this state, be
mindful of your needs. Go back and revisit them, assess what needs maintenance or repair.
Spend quality time with the people who matter to you, the people who raise your vibration. Do
esteemable acts, be generous with others. Do what makes you feel good, not what will get you
the most “likes”. Practice strength by taking risks and enjoy the freedom it brings. Then welcome
in all of the possibilities of what you can manifest by being the most you can be.
Veronica Weston
Personal Development Coach